Attention! At ease! Today, we are going to talk about the do’s and don’ts of being a Barbecue General!
What’s a barbecue general? Where have you been private? It’s only the most important job at any barbecue. The general runs the grill.
Now, this doesn’t mean that the general OWNS the grill. I think that we all know someone that owns a great grill and couldn’t boil water on it.
A barbecue general not only has a grill in tip-top shape, but has all the accessories they need within easy reach.
We’re talking tongs, flippers, pokers, meat thermometers, and the most important one, the bottle opener.
The general is responsible for the strategic attack, or cooking. They must ensure that everything is cooked in the right order and correctly, so that the food is ready at the same time. They must also ensure that there is a “safe zone” for those vegetarian or, shudder, vegan foods.
There is a lot of food juggling that goes on as the food general, but you have to know the hot zones of your grill to ensure that things that need a char get it, and those that don’t…well…don’t.
One of the most important roles of the barbecue general is to keep non-authorized “experts” away from the grill. There is always someone that thinks that they know how to grill and will mess with the Zen-like flow that you have achieved on the grill. They also think that mayo is key for all BBQ sauce recipe.
The smallest mistake by the general-wannabe could set back cooking time or, worse, it could ruin the meal.
So, these folks are usually best kept busy with prep work or drinks duty. If they are unable to handle even these tasks, you may need a barbecue runner.
What’s a barbecue runner? These are your good friends that are willing to help keep the party going or at least keep the wannabe away from the grill. They can be someone that is skilled in the art of conversation, keeping them in a drink with expert mixology, or they could be an expert in mixed martial arts. Whatever it takes to protect your grill.
Even after the meal has been cooked, the barbecue general’s job is not over. The grill needs to be scrapped, cleaned, and left in the same tip-top condition that it started in. The barbecue general will also make sure that his guest is fed and happy before tucking into their own top meal.
What is a barbecue general? It's not easy to be a barbecue general, but it’s a job that isn’t thankless.
Think of the last time you grilled for your friends and the satisfied looks on their faces as the ribs fell apart, the burgers were juicy, and the steaks so tender that it made them cry.
So, if you think that you have what it takes to be a great barbecue general, you’ll need to brush up on your meat handling skills. Don’t google that term though, it’ll bring up some strange websites that you’ll have to explain to your partner.
You will need to know how to cook all manner of meats, veggies, and if you can even make a pizza or desert on the grill, then you will have entered an elite status.
Or you could not stress about it. Grilling is about having fun and eating good food.
Still wouldn’t let that wannabe near the grill though. There isn’t anything but disaster there, my friend. I once knew a wannabe that actually caused an explosion with a grill. They were only left with the grill so the general could use the toilet and BOOM.
The sad part about it is…. it was a coal barbecue.